Antinatalism In Purgatory

I’m an antinatalist. I think it’s unforgivable to bring new people into this world given that there is suffering. The thing is that lately I’ve been thinking and feeling that people aren’t real. This would partially solve the problem of evil. There is just my suffering and everyone else is a simulation designed to spite me. This should cause me to not feel so antinatalist since the breeders are disgusting alien mockeries of a true human being, namely myself. Yet somehow I still feel very antinatalist. When I see children with their parents I am disgusted at the entire concept. They are probably just facets of the simulation and not souls brimming with the inner light of awareness like myself. And yet they still move me enough to cause disgust. I suppose that was the intention of the designer(s), to create something that appeared so real that it was actually disturbing. Dr. Miller says I have some sort of syndrome after finding out about my solipsism. I think he’s an imbecile who deserves to be burned on a stake. But out of my bodhisattva-like compassion I would instead grant him a consciousness and send him to heaven forever.

Like I’ve said before, it’s plausible to me that this is a punishment. My failure at making friends, then my failure at soccer, then my failure in the stock market, then my failure at university, then my crippling depression. The reason I think it’s a punishment may just be projecting a sense of justice to something that is intrinsically devoid of any anthropomorphic qualities. But it may also be that there really is intelligent design (which I now strongly feel is the case) and the reason this isn’t heaven is because the force behind existence isn’t like me. It’s not the sort of thing that would give heaven to its enemies.

There’s no need to worry that I will have a child due to my new views. It is true that this would be morally neutral as a solipsist. The child is probably not conscious. However the problem is “probably.” This is just a feeling and something I wish to be true. In any case I’m not capable of staying hard for the repeated humping of someone. I guess I could masturbate and ejaculate inside of her. But of course I will never do this due to the guilt I would feel if the kid was conscious and turned out like me, hating life. I am disgusted and disappointed by the continued breeding of humans because a part of me still attributes consciousness to them and this comes from empathy. And that’s all assuming I’m capable of getting a girlfriend. This is not possible so again, no need to worry if your are conscious and care enough about people to be an antinatalist.