Die! Die! Forgive Me And Die (Or Just Sleep)

I couldn’t stay surrendered. I did my workout today and caught up on yesterday’s. The amount of discomfort induced by squats is ridiculous. At this point it would be better if I didn’t care about my appearance and could just give up and take it easy. And what do squats do for my appearance anyway? But I probably don’t do it just for my appearance. I do it to anchor myself in something. I do it because of my inner drive towards stoicism.

I don’t believe real people create music. I believe music comes from a divine source and there’s not an unlimited amount of possible good songs. There is a limited amount of aesthetic-space to be explored. But of course I’m still somewhat open to the idea that real people like myself are the godlike creatures that create the beautiful music. Perhaps all the members of Fightstar really are conscious and just like myself except that they skillfully discovered good music using their hands, mouths and ears. Perhaps XXXTENTACION walked this earth just like myself and really was shot dead. Maybe there is something that it’s like to be Utada Hikaru and Yoko Shimomura. Maybe they are favored by God and were born in some kind of high caste. Maybe I was hated by God and born in a low caste. But at this point I’ve experienced too many “simulation feelings and sensations” that it’s easy for me to see these excellent performers as fake. It makes me feel a little bit better that they are not like me. They are actors on a screen, the screen of my consciousness.

Have you ever been inside a battle ship? Like in an airplane, the simulation feelings really hit hard then. People like myself couldn’t have built this.

I don’t think there is something that it’s like to be my dad going to a factory six days a week. It’s too depressing to believe in a world like that.

Animals are not suffering. Animals are in on this.

12 thoughts on “Die! Die! Forgive Me And Die (Or Just Sleep)

  1. One possibility is that the state-space of qualia is objectively finite, and an unlimited number of moments of experience is logically impossible. Another possibility is that the qualia you experience are being intentionally restricted by the simulation for some reason, and your life was intentionally designed to be extremely repetitive. The number of possible moments of experience isn’t necessarily finite for the same reason that the number of Platonic solids is finite.

    Also, are you an Idealist? Your philosophy seems similar to that of German Idealism.


    • Well I think it’s both. The state-space of qualia is finite and my simulation is restrictive. I definitely get the intentionally restricted vibe and consider the lack of pleasure and excessive repetitiveness to plausibly be a punishment. There is intelligent design and it’s only a short step from there to assume there is a logic of justice even if I completely disagree with the ethics of retributive justice.

      I think I agree with the main claims of idealism.


  2. Yes I think exercise is a waste of time. Doing a pointless task basically. It’s not like you’re moving a boulder to save your life or something, but instead you’re moving it just to move it back where it was.


  3. What specific hobbies and interests have you failed miserably at in life? I’d say you are (or at least used to be) pretty good at bodybuilding. You had a crazy body in your past videos (definitely top 99th percentile, especially as a natty). Many would’ve only dreamed of having that body(some can’t even get there with steroids), and you were basically a deity compared to the massive population of obese people in this country. Although I assume you’ve seldom surrounded yourself with these people, as they are not very ideal aesthetically (or mentally for that matter). There are so many mutt-like, obese, and stupid people in this country. So I’m having trouble understanding why you consider yourself to be such a failure. It’s so statistically improbable for a Newton to be born, you realize that? Why is you range of self comparison so concentrated? Your anecdotal evidence for people being simulated would only make sense when comparing yourself to the upper quin-tile of the population. What about the rest of them? There are so many lazy, uneducated, obese, and stupid people who have achieved way less than you.


    • I have failed miserably at several things I put a lot of effort into. These include soccer, financial trading, and studying biochemistry. But it also includes my videos and this site since I am not a very good writer or speaker. And that’s not to mention all the things I failed at by default because I couldn’t do them in the first place due to my lack of intelligence. This includes things like doing real mathematics, making good music, and making good art.

      And the mass of people may not be aesthetically pleasing or interesting but they still manage to magically fall into place such that they fulfill an important role in society or superintelligence that is the economy, whether that be working at Walmart or Little Caesar’s or cleaning a hotel. My father is not educated and works at a factory making boxes but I consider him more intelligent than myself simply because he can fix things around the house. I would have to pay someone because I don’t understand how he can diagnose the problem, think up the tools and materials needed, and do the handiwork. I really feel like I’m at a huge disadvantage in this world due to my lack of intelligence.

      And it’s funny that you use the name Aubrey De Grey since he was once my idol for his crusade against what he perceived to be the number one cause of suffering. I would watch all his videos on YouTube and listen to the Ending Aging audiobook again and again. I wanted to be a scientific researcher so that I could help in the fight against aging. I was blinded and didn’t see that I was incapable of designing and executing an experiment like in the scientific papers. All I wanted was to do the most good by doing research and donating most of my money to SENS and Effective Altruism’s top charities. My downfall was tragic but I guess I’m glad I didn’t waste my time “helping” simulated people. I consider the whole of science to not be created by real people like myself but Aubrey De Grey is a perfect example of a simulated individual. His story goes that he single-handedly changed the biogerontology establishment towards adopting a repair/engineering approach coming in from working on artificial intelligence, and he solves difficult unsolved mathematics problems in his spare time. He’s quite an overpowered character, the sort that makes me look like scum.


      • > I am not a very good writer

        I would buy any non-fiction book you wrote. I think you’re a great writer. I think you could be popular on YouTube too, if you started a fresh channel and learned the basics of YouTube SEO (mainly about watchtime and click-through rate) and wrote video scripts about stuff that interested you that you think would have a niche, then read the script as a voice-over, then filled up the visuals with random copyright-free visuals.


      • Thanks for the encouragement but I am incapable of writing a book. As far as YouTube, I might return if I ever get fit again. I see little point in reading what I can instead write here. Those videos I made were improvised and that made them low quality but also gave them some value.


      • Despite whatever technical flaws still need to be worked out, I like what Aubrey stands for. I see him as a hero who opposes what he sees as the number one cause of suffering. He is definitely one of the main characters of this universe – perhaps even up there with Elon Musk. He is obviously a true genius and I would be but dirt in his presence. But he would be an even greater hero if he opposed the true number one problem, namely, birth. If he was openly antinatalist I would love his character even more.


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