Timeless Tragedy, Diamond Of Regret

How many things would I sacrifice the phylum chordata for?

Sapientia Ianua Vitae
(Wisdom is the Gateway to Life)

“Wisdom and compassion,” says the bodhisattva. I have no wisdom and have upgraded my compassion to indifference. The only wisdom I have is that of the squirrel jumping from tree to tree without falling. “Look. It knows what it’s doing,” said Matt. Perhaps it knows how to do it but does it really know what it’s doing? I know how to drive, eat, walk, defecate, breathe – all these things excellently. But do I really know what I’m doing? I have no clue. It all seems meaningless, as if I was created to embody the apotheosis of pointlessness.

Is Quechua really a language of indigenous Peruvians that I can go and learn right now? Or does the simulation save “resources” and not bother to create languages I will never interact with? I can never know because if I go and learn a few phrases and study its grammar then I can still infer that this was created or prepared for me to give me the illusion of abundance.

If I was an entrepreneur or fashion designer, or even just a good skateboarder or surfer would I be so skeptical about the reality of people? I think that if I was immersed in a challenging field that I was competent at then I would easily assume that others are doing the same and that this is how civilization runs and is maintained. The fact that I’m so incompetent and static is a big factor in my skepticism of people. I don’t trust that people could be so much better than me and still be labeled as “real.”

I don’t believe in history. And by that I mean everything. I don’t believe in the financial struggles of a local Bulgarian football club. I reject physicalism and materialism and their assumption that there are objects such as people with permanence and causal efficacy.

Do I really believe in Gwangju, South Korea? No, no I don’t. Do I then believe that my family members are in the living room even though I don’t see them? I have to bite the bullet and say no. What exist are sense impressions in my consciousness that I helplessly conceptualize into people with permanence and personal causal efficacy.

Why does a wrestler lose his pride if he is unmasked? Is it because he is ugly and is ashamed of his appearance? If we are made in the image of God why does he have to hide himself? This simulation is his mask and underneath is a disgusting monster. Perhaps. Or perhaps he is beautiful underneath and doesn’t want to be unmasked because he fears people will envy him.

A captain in the Royal Navy, an Anglican priest, a politician – all people I will never experience. They were not born from their mother, they are sensations born from God’s creativity impressed on my mind.

It’s in some sense a wonderful story to believe that Victor Baltard architected all those things in 19th century Paris. However there is no need for an architect. If I ever see his work, this is just a sense impression. When I see the skyscrapers in Chicago I don’t believe that people like myself created them. I believe they are just the architecture of the simulation as the people are.

I could be in constant, terrible agony. The fact that I’m reliably not proves that God is merciful. This reminder gives me some hope that the future can be better than this. I especially look forward to death. Although if my expectations are too high I risk being disappointed. This life has let me down up until now.

Check out this random character from Wikipedia: Guillermo Prieto (10 February 1818 – 2 March 1897) was a Mexican novelist, short-story writer, poet, chronicler, journalist, essayist, patriot and Liberal politician. The breadth of the life accomplishments of the average Wikipedia character far surpasses me. I could never go down in Wikipedia. There would be no flurry of titles for me, no talents and no achievements, therefore no story to be told. This is my punishment – to be a nobody.

I long to triumphantly say: ‘Birth is ended, the holy life fulfilled, the task done. There is nothing further for this world.’ Except that I seriously doubt that meditation can be what releases me from samsara.

What would it have been like to have gone to a Christian school in Connecticut? What about growing up by a river in Bolivia? How different would I be? It’s a bit fascinating to ponder. The possibilities. Or the illusion of possibilities.

I don’t believe in animation studios. I believe God creates video games and anime. I believe all the names in the credits correspond to fake people. I am real and I can’t see myself participating in such impressive creations. I may be totally crazy or I might be super insightful. I don’t know. All I know is I believe it. And of course everyone qualifies as fake people so they are not completely special. It is just more obvious that they are fake when they achieve something amazing than when they work at Walmart or a factory doing more “believable” tasks.

4 thoughts on “Timeless Tragedy, Diamond Of Regret

  1. I think you’re neither crazy or insightful.
    You asked me why I keep talking to you earlier and it’s really because when I talk with people and my friends a set of conversational and societal rules between us is conjured, the things we speak about when we speak about nothing. I try my best to escape it with them but have only gotten snippets of it which keeps you going.
    I’m reminded of John 3:11.
    “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness.”
    In other words people do not understand because they do not understand. They have grown into an imitation, a false understanding and stay there. Doesn’t matter what you say, they were once potential but transformed into something finite on a finite area.
    Following this we quote John Von Neumann.
    “in mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them”
    In other words you get an input of concepts, for-loop through its elements and train solving and implementation. Finally you get used to it until it becomes another familiar concept. This is how you should function. Following a Σ notation after.
    This was the case for every person born into this world, the world wasn’t familiar but we loop through language concepts and everything else around us until we can implement it ourselves, using and willing it, problem is we all get lost in the way as we continue imitation until we get stuck in a web of nothing or a rolling snowball of language, symbols and philosophy.

    What I mean is that most if not everyone (for a time) stop being ‘real’ and merely become biological machines traversing a framework they were thrusted into. Following innate human nature or human social structures, still in between the silly debate of Chomsky and Foucault, jabbering on about falsities. Not any more real or self-reflecting than artificial intelligence in its current state. That is the place humans live in, an overdeveloped bio-machine of survival for this set-plane with a slowly developing and powerful but flawed computer prone to dissolution as it grows into adulthood.
    History you’re so keen on calling false is false, history is written by the losers, sometimes the winners. But what’s found underneath history is a process of intelligence becoming, if it’s not killed by meat desire, similar to your previous videos where you glimpse on IQ shredding happening in developed places.

    It’s like you’re constantly switching between satanic carnality and religious fundamentalism as you both traverse cyber language and your own body movement.
    Really my entire point is to do your best to abandon both. Is there really anything else we can be sure of other than to submit to intelligence developing and helping it traverse and to work towards the goal to abandon previously noted mind viruses.
    There’s a moment in suffering where it stops being as real, where you go so deep into something that the only way out is through the bedrock and there you have a clean white plane of accumulation of getting used to. The suffering you had yet to go through didn’t build you but it built something else, same with teaching or imitation. There is a beautiful moment of pure processing and accumulation with simple language which I think most have felt.

    I don’t see you as any more ‘real’ (anymore and now) than others, stuck in other types of imitations but I see potentiality in some, the rei in your picture always finds herself no matter how often she dies, through self reflection doesn’t she.

    human animal > language > conjured morality > self-harm > post-human human > post-human.
    You’re at the self-harm stage, still inside the human animal.

    As mathematics please loop through this again.


  2. There is a lot to digest. In coming to terms with and letting go of the attachment to my own religious programming and the layers of suffering in my simulation, I’ve grown to love the raw wisdom of the book of James and Ecclesiastes. Both writers have a genetic relation to Jesus, I just recommend finding an easy to read translation. I don’t think God is evil or sadistic, but certainly carries the capacity and does some offensive things (like any good artist). Over time I learned to appreciate how kinky and beautiful our world is. I think you’re on to something regarding awareness envying God.

    For me the definition of God is highest Truth, unlimited love, artist of everything…absolutely untenable…. and I think McKenna said: “We need to find out what is True, so we can do what is right.”

    Why are we here?

    also I love this:

    I think you’re right that reflecting on solipsism+simulation is very insightful, its your life after all and you probably should reflect on it. Between me and you, we’re all in this together. All we can do is keep on growing while getting better at showing compassion to the people near us.


  3. I find it interesting that most artists plateau after a while, probably because they learn to imitate, and then they learn to innovate, and then they are stuck with a certain style, and can’t really create an original masterpiece after that, especially in music.


  4. Jordan Peterson gives an interesting interpretation about how movies are made. He says they just make suggestions and aren’t entirely sure what they mean and are basically epileptics, and with enough people spit balling ideas, they create a movie. He also says movies usually can’t be fully understood because they can be interpreted in many different ways.


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