Love Or The Lack Thereof

My mother doesn’t truly love me. If she did she would have spared me from suffering, aging, disease, and death. True love cannot emanate from the person most responsible for my existence and my misery. She knew full well that suffering existed in this world and yet she still chose to harm me by bringing me here. That is the definition of evil.

People don’t love me despite what random Redditors might say. People in general are completely indifferent towards me and always have been. In school I didn’t make a single friend. I was just a spectator to a game that wasn’t my own. And people barely make any comments on my YouTube channel or on my website.

It goes without saying that I have never experienced romantic love. In my twenty-two years of life I have only felt attracted to one girl in “real life.” However I didn’t let her know. I didn’t even speak to her. If love permeated the universe you would expect that to turn out differently. Maybe she would speak to me or maybe I would have had the courage to show her my calculus 2 videos to help her on her homework.

But the final and worst absence of love is that from God. If God loved me I would be in heaven. There wouldn’t be any of this in the first place. The status quo is incontrovertible evidence that God doesn’t love me or that God doesn’t exist.

10 thoughts on “Love Or The Lack Thereof

  1. Christians understand the highest form of love to be ἀγάπη (agape), which is essentially “willing the good of the other.” The fact that it is often confused with other forms of “love” is just due to a deficiency of the English language. Spoiling a child is not the most agape-loving way to raise them, and romantically attaching yourself to another person is not in itself an expression of his highest love either.

    If we look at the lives of the Saints, we often see lives full of immense psychological and physical suffering. What’s going on there?

    We can even look to an atheist like Nietzsche, who grasps similarly the value of trials: “To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities — I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not — that one endures.”

    If you’re looking for God through the lens of egoic love and egoic concerns about suffering and pleasure, you’re looking in the wrong places.

    “Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”


    • Christianity is a disgustingly insane religion that glorifies suffering. Nietzsche was similarly stupid and evil. True love is to do everything you can to eliminate suffering and everything to maximize happiness/pleasure. If God is anything like the Christian God then I hate him and consider him my nemesis for upholding suffering as some emanation of his twisted “love.”


  2. Fathers shouldn’t try to make everything perfect and padded for their kids if they want them to properly mature and self-actualize. Similarly, God permits hardship and suffering that he can draw a greater good from: namely, the good of sharing his eternal bliss and perfection (heaven) with other free loci of consciousness. By being made in the image of god, with divine free will, created beings can truly love God (infinite goodness/love/being). Without freedom, there cannot exist authentic love. With this divine freedom, however, there also exists the possibility of rejecting God and inflicting suffering.

    God permits the suffering we endure as a means of purification (the perennial logic behind asceticism and mortifications) and/or to bring about some other good (such as allowing Judas to betray Christ).

    Heaven is metaphysically incompatible with impurity, “Nothing impure will ever enter [heaven]” (Revelation 21:27), and this earthly life is part of our purification process.


    • Fathers shouldn’t exist. If people had the slightest clue about what love is they would realize that this world contains suffering, aging, disease, and death so they wouldn’t impose this harm on someone else. What is the point of “properly maturing” and “self-actualizing” if there is suffering in the process to ruin it? If God was good and for some reason he couldn’t give us heaven then he would rather have us not exist at all.

      I don’t believe I have freedom of will, just the illusion of it. I don’t know how “I” am doing any of this. And my experience with psilocybin further strengthened the notion that I don’t truly have free will.

      I have also hypothesized that this is purgatory and maybe that’s just wishful thinking since heaven might not exist but I don’t understand why I am impure in the first place. If God loved me I would be created perfectly as a perfect fit for heaven.


      • If we assume there isn’t a heaven, antinatalist arguments are worthy of a place at the table. However, I don’t think it would make much of a difference anyways, because the only views of the universe without a God that approach any sort of coherence, in my opinion, are ones that understand the universe to be spatially and temporally infinite (with infinite suffering, infinite pleasure, infinite consciousnesses).

        >If God was good and for some reason he couldn’t give us heaven then he would rather have us not exist at all.

        Even if I emotionally agreed with that calculus, I think we know way too little and our perspective is way too limited to make such pronouncements. In reality, I find that calculus pretty strange: I think if heaven exists, all those that arrive there will see their earthly sufferings, and the justice upon the souls that reject God, as being infinitely proper and worth it. I think it would be foolish for you, a little primate, to say you’re better at resolving these questions of ethics and justice than the god of Classical Theism. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” (Revelation 21:4).

        I used to be a big fan of psilocybin and psychedelics in general. I think the best argument against them are the fruits of what they produce: degeneracy and spiritual vanity. The new age movement is just repackaged luciferianism. Look at the lives of “enlightened” psychonauts and you see immaturity, dysfunction, and spiritual superficiality. Psychedelics are to the spiritual experience what masturbating to porn is to the sexual experience, in my opinion.

        >why I am impure in the first place

        To get into heaven, one must love god and do his will. The Christian view of love is that a being programmed to be perfect and only choose the good would be incapable of authentic love, because he doesn’t have free will that mirrors God’s free will. We’re little “prime movers,” as Aristotle would put it, in the image of God, not love robots. God has his reasons for creating the world the way he did. The world is like a painting, and we only have access to 1 square millimeter of it in our lives. We look around our square millimeter and we can’t clearly see the rhyme or reason of it all. Once we die, we will see the canvas, in all of its hues and patterns.


      • All I can say at this point is that I find your view of the world deplorable and that masturbating to porn is better than sex when it doesn’t stay hard and you suck at humping.


  3. Yeah this is how I would put it. If you wanted to go golfing, and all of a sudden it Rains, clearly that wasn’t your decision (to have rain), so it was decided by “the other.” In this case, god/nature is just messing with us unnecessarily, as you indicated. However, we don’t have any other recourse, except to just fix the world and move it from suffering to bliss.


  4. Yeah this is classic behavior from chicks. You venerate them, but they choose some lowlife scumbag and have his children. In the end, reverence towards girls brings zero positive results.


  5. Ultimately, if you believe no one creates phones and computers this feeling of despair makes sense to me. But if someone like you really could make something that understands brains then at least Earth might be re-tuned such that all experience is great. Yes, we may be a mere infinitesimal percentage of experience where all others still exist, but surely if you are going to act knowing the act is a lie then the best act is one that has a victory condition.


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