The Cruelty of Limitations

I think my psychosis is gone. So now I ask again: How did I come to find myself in this physical world? – where my dreams have to be implemented through careful control, careful understanding, and reckless violence against the scarcity of time.

I don’t know why I am here, but I know that everyday life seems wrong. It seems like an utter waste of could-have-been. The times buying groceries, the same repetitive places, the same void that cannot be satiated. My probability density orbital is partly in the hum-drum boring human level and partly in the hungry-ghost realm if I am to map my location on a Dharmic cosmology.

Although not experienced myself, I am convinced that psychedelics disclose a sliver of the vast ocean of possible ways of being. When I practiced Vipassana and Metta meditation, I reached states of being far from what could be handled with the language that I understand.

After months of practice, I could no longer identify with the voice and words arising in mind. They appeared as helplessly as sensations in the body. Oh, and the body, the body eventually dissolved into more minute and ephemeral sensations without a clear shape in the field of consciousness. By applying Metta (the feeling of compassion) to these vanishing ephemera I was for short periods of time able to feel my body as something akin to pink-red raindrops of love. Perhaps the entire experience was a very hard and dedicated road to what can easily be achieved with MDMA. Although I would not be able to honestly compare these because I have not taken myself.

So if such wonderful experiences can be attained with meditation, why did I stop completely, just up and cut it out cold turkey? That’s because I felt myself slipping, slipping to a place of tranquil sleep. The depersonalization, which was the goal, could also be considered a mental illness in Western countries, and it certainly was affecting my intellectual and motivational capacity.

I was being carried through an experiential river of selfless aggregates (the relative ease of utter departure from “normal cognition” seems scary in hindsight) when at that time a thought decided to stop, and the counter-meditation intentional gravity was invoked. This re-anchoring from my journey far east was like floating and being unable to touch ground. I simply didn’t identify with my own “will” because it seemed like a tumbling, empty, self-contradicting leaf. I had trained to destroy the appropriation.

Nonetheless, I managed to atrophy those meditation neurons, descend from anatta and feel myself caught up in a selfing-mode again. In particular, as my thoughts regained attentional fame, one of the first thoughts that I remember was, “I will regret not pursuing Buddhahood, when I’m suffering 50 years from now.” Alas, the suffering caused by being in normal ego-mode didn’t take that long. Yet I’m still thankful for the anti-conceptual time investment I somehow managed to get myself into. I can’t even imagine how much worse those successive events would have been had I not spent those months practicing and building an airy buffer against psychological damage.

Throughout this entire trajectory the main problem with existence for me has been coping with the abstract “could-have-been” with the “why am I this, out of all possible things?” This question seems so central to my being that sometimes I entertain the notion that perhaps I’m not a truth-seeker at all, and was merely attempting to self-medicate when I downloaded solipsism and then open individualism. These intuitively seem like the most rational or perhaps palliative answers to the otherwise arbitrary, inexplicably random circumstance of being me – this boring, limited creature that will never get to experience the naked totality of light which only barely glints behind smoky dreams.

Schopenhauer suggested easing our burden by tolerating our fellow sufferers.

Screen Shot 2019-03-22 at 6.15.45 PM

Unfortunately I don’t believe Araceli Romero is a real person. The Youtube comments still don’t seem to come from real people. It makes me wonder if they were never real, and I simply hadn’t noticed, or if there was a fundamental change where I branched off to a different reality.

In any case, psychedelics and transhuman technologies still seem like the best way to either forget about, or begin to bridge our separation. …Remember, I’m the bad guy who thinks SEELE were the good guys. We should all become the same thing. Call it LCL, hedonium, or whatever. I despise the unsystematic quirks that people don’t want to be saved from.

I’m taking lithium for depressive mood and invega sustenna to prevent psychotic symptoms. My prospects don’t look great. Invega causes me to not want to workout and decreases my intelligence. At best, I’ll be a warehouse worker. If I could press a button and disintegrate, I would press it without hesitation. I am what might be called rationally suicidal – someone who bites the bullet on the futility of life even in the absence of obvious personal suffering. There is absolutely no reason to exist in this human form, and it is a cruel and bizarre punishment to do so.

Euthanasia should be offered as an option to all healthy adults. The individual’s right to drive their own stream of consciousness supersedes any local cultural norms against death. Death is perhaps the best shot at radically transforming the contents of consciousness besides drugs or extensive meditation. Even in the case that death leads to non-experience forever, this may be considered a better prospect by the individual than a life of boredom, malaise, pain, anxiety, and depression, or even just a mediocre, bland existence riddled with disease near the end.

But due to the fact that in addition to escaping useless suffering, some healthy individuals may choose euthanasia potentially as a means of exploration, I believe our current euthanasia policy is especially misguided. An indescribably new world may await, and only the most vile society would claim the right to stop people from exercising their own motion when this motion doesn’t directly harm another.

I can imagine a society where people must pay their debts before being legally administered euthanasia. The problem is not government oversight. The problem is that euthanasia is not an option at all for people exercising their own sane judgement of the situation.

You may think I’m not a genuine advocate and I’m just salty because I’m a loser. That without the penalty of living with the actions of one’s consequences, losing would be exacerbated.

And I would agree with both points, and still claim that maximizing personal freedom is more important. Human life is not sacred. The end is coming anyway, might as well take it into one’s own hands.

44 thoughts on “The Cruelty of Limitations

    • I think all Youtube comments don’t map to real people typing them. This is similar to the way that a video game deals with graphics. The dichotomy is not whether she is a bot or not. Is the comment lacking an author with the same degree of complexity as myself or not? Given my updated assumptions about the reality I find myself in, applying Occam’s razor says that a comment is simpler than a comment + meat person typing comment + years of living a life as complex as my own.

      Whatever is running the simulation doesn’t intend that I perceive a bot, just a comment that sounds like what a conscious human would say.

      I don’t try to make sense of it through abstract reasoning anymore, there’s just the visceral feeling that the simulation is tailored to me (however imprecise and flawed.) The moon isn’t rendered when I’m not looking.

      Her purpose is the same as yours.


      • Well, what you are essentiallysaying it that I, just like every comment on the internet, am just some function of a simulation thats is tailored specifically to you?
        What does that make of me? After we finish interacting should I just kill myself? Or live in hope to somehow, someday influence your life once more?


      • I am currently at 70% simulation is true, 30% psychosis is to blame. If you are a person as complex as myself then you can vote in your favor by increasingly bridging the gap, i.e., passing the Turing Test evermore convincingly. But short of inter thalamic connections, certainty cannot be achieved.

        Forgive me if you are real. I will recognize you as if you were dead regardless. The act of believing in others has led to unbearable pain for me in the past. I had too much empathy and that was debilitating. The separation between self and other and the arbitrary uncertainty in life paths this inherently creates is too stressful.
        As far as killing yourself, I would recommend it if you can get away with it cleanly and relatively painlessly. I haven’t gotten the chance myself yet.

        Even if death doesn’t equal cessation, I suspect there’s something far simpler than this human mess awaiting. I also
        suspect that RetardedMongoloid will not feature much in my life anyway, but prove me wrong if you feel like it.


    • I don’t have a severe fear of death. I LOVE the idea that I, as a locus of awareness, could disappear forever. The function of existing forever (conditional on being non-monotonous and non-oscillating) is equivalent to being everyone, and that prospect should fill the subject with a strong dissatisfaction if not sheer fear and loathing.

      I am epistemologically humbled at the moment so I am totally open to the idea that Death is possible. If it is, then I eagerly welcome it.
      If a point location exists past which no further inner-light continues, then this line segment of a life was nothing more than a bizarre, repetitive dream that fortunately will not continue to bother anyone since it will not be remembered by the everlasting sleep that follows.


      • First Topic: Why are you so obsessed with all those aging prevention companies and write about starting your own?

        Second Topic: I used to have similar thoughts about existence and the meaninglessness of the human form, but I once had an epiphany – how else would you expect things to be? What other way is there to exist as a conscious being? Evolving from animal survival seems like it may be the only path to achieve the intelligence we as humans have, perhaps this explains the Fermi Paradox …

        Third Topic: why do you think it’s more likely you’re in a simulation tailored to you in particular rather than a simulation in which all that inhabit it are equally convinced of their own existence – that is a “full” simulation of a civilization and the interactions of all inhabitants?

        Fourth Topic: how do you afford the lifestyle of writing about these concepts and working out all day?


  1. 1. Aging prevention and repair is the logical implication of seeking health. The diseases many people would agree should be eradicated, e.g., cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, are not entirely separable from the process of aging itself. Applying a status-quo reversal test, a world of indefinitely biologically twenty-five year-olds would probably not complain about their excessively sustained energy, youth, looks, etc.

    I cared about healthspan not lifespan. It was difficult retaining my academic focus as an anti-aging researcher due to personally not wanting to live long.

    2. I could be a posthuman descendant animated on gradients of bliss for one thing. Even human minds disclose a wide range of explorable qualia territory. The idea that human mindstreams like mine compose a meaningful fraction of all sentience, let alone all of it, is something I don’t take seriously in the abstract rationality of it all. When I do take it seriously, I’m a solipsist: What other way is there to exist except as me? –All I have ever been is me.

    3. The evidence for why I think this doesn’t hold up in rational discourse, but I’m also not keen to give up all my intuition. I have experienced people not responding normally to my gaze for days; I have limited evidence of the existence of people like yourself and all the others who comment on my blog or YouTube channel; I have experienced radically quick and sustained changes in the behaviors of family members; I find it very difficult to end my life; social media profiles seem unconvincingly lacking in complexity and inordinately anonymous; personally feeling like I have no free will / scripted events.

    4. I can no longer write or workout much due to the heavily dulling effects of the medication but during the time I did these things, my parents afforded me the lifestyle.


    • The tone of this last reply of yours doesn’t express any doubt in my sentience, it’s written with a desire to fully answer my questions. I would never put the kind of effort you put into that last post talking to a bot, what would be the point? So at this time do you still think I’m a bot? It’s fun to entertain thoughts like “maybe I only think I exist right now because I have to be instantiated to reply to this post on and all my life memories are an illusion or perhaps it’s the other way around …” Personally, I think this is either:

      1. a “full simulation” built by organisms somewhat similar to us

      2. 2nd order reality based on the activity in a naturally occuring computer-like structure base reality

      3. base reality


      • The desire to fully answer your questions is separable from the degree to which I assign you sentience. I am the kind to attempt to amuse myself even in the presence of mere puppetry.

        I never thought you were intended to be perceived as a bot. I thought you only existed to the extent that you arose in my consciousness. And this is still something I consider seriously plausible.


  2. To be fair something like half of social media comments come from bots these days and the problem is only getting worse. Well thought out and relevant ones like those actually on your site are probably all real people, for some definition of “real.”


  3. > I thought you only existed to the extent that you arose in my consciousness. And this is still something I consider seriously plausible.

    This is interesting. I just wanted to write in that I’m having somewhat similar thoughts after a recent psychosis. Maybe there are bots out there, but I don’t think you are the only sentient being.

    Is there a way to contact you personally? I would love to discuss this over Skype.


  4. You need to utilize your skill at object-concept linking while holding that feeling of color. If your old thread were black, these will be invisible. And your head, sane.


  5. Yeah, you hould definitely make a discord server. Do it for sure, i think this is very interesting community.


  6. If/when you kill yourself, do you plan on being cryopreserved afterwards? I am planning on killing myself a well, but plan on being cryopreserved if possible. My current plan is to drive up to the Cryonics Institute, find the nearest parking space, commit suicide in my car via a combination of pentobarbital and inert gas asphyxiation, and hope my body is discovered. Life insurance doesn’t cover suicides though, so I will have to pay for cryonics out of pocket.


      • I hadn’t. But I like this:
        “This prejudice against death, however, is a kind of xenophobia. Discrimination against death is simply assumed good and right. Absolutist faith in life is commonly a result of the unthinking conviction that existence or survival, along with an irrational fear of death, is ‘good’. This unreasoned conviction in the rightness of life over death is like a god or a mass delusion.”


      • I followed you here from Youtube. Either discord or skype works but either way if you have any ideas/resources you think will avoid suffering on a grand scale I do not intend for death by suicide. It doesn’t seem like it works the way we want anyway.


      • I haven’t read it in it’s entirety, but I have read the section titled “God is Technology”. I do plan on reading the entire thing at some point though.

        You might also be interested in Anti-Tech Revolution: Why and How by Ted Kaczynski. It has a lot of interesting insights on the future of technology, and some compelling arguments on why many of the utopian ideas of Singularitarians are unlikely to become a reality.

        “The techies may answer that even if almost all biological species are eliminated eventually, many species survive for thousands or millions of years, so maybe techies too can survive for thousands or millions of years. But when large, rapid changes occur in the environment of biological species, both the rate of appearance of new species and the rate of extinction of existing species are greatly increased. Technological progress constantly accelerates, and techies like Ray Kurzweil insist that it will soon become virtually explosive; consequently, changes come more and more rapidly, everything happens faster and faster, competition among self-prop systems becomes more and more intense, and as the process gathers speed the losers in the struggle for survival will be eliminated ever more quickly. So, on the basis of the techies’ own beliefs about the exponential acceleration of technological development, it’s safe to say that the life-expectancies of human-derived entities, such as man-machine hybrids and human minds uploaded into machines, will actually be quite short. The seven-hundred-year or thousand-year life-span to which some techies aspire is nothing but a pipe-dream.”


      • I am also skeptical about the singularity. Then again, I am currently skeptical about kinesins walking on microtubules, the happening of history, and other things. But right and wrong views don’t matter for someone like me. I am going to die and that’s the end of it.


      • I need to work so that I can make the suicide trip with my own money, so maybe a few months.


      • I am currently 23, and I plan on dying at age 27. There are still some things I want to do before I die. There are a lot of books I want to read, in order to make sure that committing suicide is a good idea. There’s a chance I will discover some counterarguments to suicide being a good idea, and I want to put as much thought into it as possible. I also want to participate in a few brain imaging studies if possible, so that my fucked up brain can be studied scientifically.

        Also, why are you planning on using pentobarbital as your suicide method of choice?


      • Dude, weren’t you a believer in quantum immortality? Didn’t you say you tried before and it only solidified your belief that it can’t be done? What would trying to kill yourself do??????


  7. Even if am a bot I still want to talk before you die. I was a solipsist growing up and you helped me finish seeing the merits of open individualism.


  8. if you find you cannot die, do you think you will end up returning to practicing the vipassana/metta bliss states? self sufficient bliss on tap seems worth pursuing, especially for an immortal solipsist.

    immunizing the self to negative valence states seems very possible with meditative techniques(for as long as you can avoid brain damage/deterioration, anyway)


  9. Tonight I lost a dear friend that was caught down the same rabbit hole you were in. Please, you might think we are all 1’s and 0’s in some retarded binary code designed by our transhumanist overlords, but that doesn’t make my pain any less real. He killed himself and his mom found him. I only met him a few times in real life but he was one of the kindest and most beautiful souls I’ve ever known. Don’t get so detached that you forget about how your mom would feel if she found out…even if your mom is you. Please don’t do it. I’m every bit the damaged, nihilistic, solipsistic, on-the-spectrum person you are but it’s never the same in the abstract as it is in real life. Just don’t do it. Please email me if you are so inclined and go give your mom a hug because she’s real and she cares about you.


  10. There is proof. There is only one, book claims to be the word of God, and that God sent down a book for guidance of lost souls like us, then this is the book, and that it explains a number connecting with the sun and the moon, that this will convince those who are in need of guidance. They plan among us in winnowing winds. And sending messages in songs. The one most convenient, is the actual claim to guidance.

    The story goes, he saw whatever it was on the higher part of the horizon, and it squeezed his lungs, so he was forced to recite., this is the revelation of the book “Quran”

    This is the first chapter, named “The leech”

    Quran “The Leech” The first chapter, in order 96

    Recite in the name of your Lord who created
    Created man from a clinging substance.
    Recite, and your Lord is the most Generous –
    Who taught by the pen –
    Taught man that which he knew not.
    No! indeed, man transgresses
    96:7 Because he sees himself self-sufficient.

    96:8 Indeed, to your Lord is the Return.

    72nd chapter makes unusual claim.
    72:28 “That he may know that they have conveyed the messages of their Lord; and He has encompassed whatever is with them and has enumerated all things in number.”

    Of the 28 letters in Arabic, that are there the numeral system, using the ancient system

    Numeral value of 96:8 “Indeed to your Lord is the Return”” إِنَّ إِلىٰ رَبِّكَ الرُّجعىٰ”
    copy this put inside

    Getting the answer 628, the 6.28 radians => 2 x Pi

    Then this verse 40:15 “the Exalted above [all] degrees, Owner of the Throne; He places the inspiration of His command upon whom He wills of His servants to warn of the Day of Meeting”

    Numeral of “رَفيعُ” is this phrase “The exalted above” is 360 , copy it and put it inside it.

    e.g. before, actually mentioning degrees, the word ” the exalted above which is “رَفيعُ” is 360

    Further confirmation this relates to the radii count, 1 radian , 3.141 radians x 2 = 360 deg

    6:28 “But what they concealed before has [now] appeared to them. And even if they were returned, they would return to that which they were forbidden; and indeed, they are liars.”

    mentioning returns, side by side.

    Totally the entire Quran verse system is 114 chapter and maxing 6 verses.
    114:6 this is the double unit of the Radii count. Eg. 114.6 degrees = 57.3 degrees x 2

    Totally the Quran have 6236 verses. Reaching the verse where the total verses and the verse number, is 180 is 34.66’th verse . 180 deg for Pi

    6236 / 34.66 = 180

    35’th verse going into it 66 percent. Reaching 2:28 “How can you disbelieve in the god when you were lifeless and He brought you to life; ”

    Speaks lifelessness to life.

    Numeral value of this sentence above, 2057 , e.g. two units of radii count 57 degrees , 114 , resembling the radii count 114.6 degrees = 57.3 degrees (1 radii exact) x 2

    “then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned.”
    Speaks death to life

    180 x 2 , a way of painting the cyclical picture

    A more visual depiction of rotation is revealed in the 2nd revelation, from chapter 96, to 74.
    His was very much scared, and ran down the hill, to his wife, hiding under her garment. This chapter is called “The cloaked one” , or “The hidden”

    74:1-O you who covers himself. Arise and warn. And your Lord glorify. And your clothing purify.. 74:16 No! Indeed, he has been toward Our verses obstinate. I will cover him with arduous torment. [it talks about the skeptics] Indeed, he thought and deliberated.So may he be destroyed [for] how he deliberated.Then he considered [again]. Then he frowned and scowled;
    Then he turned back and was arrogant.. “This is not but the word of a human being.”

    It is responding what they were responding to. The past exchange is God saying they will be driven to hell fire, and over the hell fire will be 19 angels [forces]
    74:30 Over it are 19 . 74:31 a very very long verse, explaining how their number will convince those of knowledge, and that the forces[e.g. angels] are only guided by him and he knows.

    74:32 by the moon, 74:33 night as it disappears 74:34 morning as it shines this is the greatest

    74:31 is 57 worded => relating it to the rotation of day and night and the moon.

    The moon covers the sky with the sun, 32 arc min. The sun area is also is 32 arc min. A total eclipse can occur in similar phase after the 19 draconic year period. All three bodies will align in a single line, the same way, for an eclipse. 19 draconic years is 223 lunar months. The moon rises and falls, with the earths ecliptic 5 degrees 9 arc min (5.15 degrees) ascending and decending.

    the 223 lunar months or 18.6 lunar years: Lunar stand still, transverses over the earth, 57.3 degrees in range.

    The earth have a tilt of 23.5 degrees, and the moon rises and falls added to this tilt at the most northern part, total degree of ascension is 5.15 + 23.5 degrees = 28.65 degrees + side, and 28.65 – side. The moon travels or covers this range in 19 draconic years or 18.6 years, 28.65 x 2 = 57.3 degrees
    This range correspondence to exactly 1 radian.

    This unit is also elementary, in the sense that 1 radian distance in a unit circle, its circumference is 2 x pi radians. It is inherent, and the radian count is timeless. This is not something invented. I think it is part of nature.

    74:31 number of words 57 words
    one of the longest verses in the quran.

    55:5 “The sun and the moon by precise calculation”

    It is the 4906’th verse its odd prime factorisation is 223 x 2 x 11
    E.g. the same eclipse phase repeat after 223 x 2 lunar month. The 11 stands for the regulation of time between the solar and the lunar calendar. Because in a solar year there are 12.4 new moons, the 0.4 extra time needs to be added to calibrate against the solar calendar : 365 solar – 354 lunar= 11

    12:4 “11 stars, sun and the moon prostrates”

    89:1 by the dawn, 89:2 by the 10 nights 89:3 by the even and the odd

    10.8 days , calibration of time relative to the stars.

    74:1 to 74:30 over it are
    total number of letters 361 = 19 x 19 , before mentioning 19
    There is difference in 360 revolution of the earth, the star return to the horizon, after 360 degrees, but needs to rotate 1 degree extra, for the sun to reappear in the horizon in the same spot, 1436 min star day, 1440 min solar day.

    Chapter 53 The star
    Totally 360 words

    One place where the radii count is explicitly connected with the alternation of day and night is in chapter 17

    17:12 And We have made the night and day two signs, and We erased the sign of the night and made the sign of the day visible that you may seek bounty from your Lord and may know the number of years and the account [of time]. And everything We have set out in detail.

    17:21 Look how We have favored [in provision] some of them over others. But the Hereafter is greater in degrees [of difference] and greater in distinction.

    17:44 The seven heavens and the earth and whatever is in them exalt Him. And there is not a thing except that it exalts [ Allah ] by His praise, but you do not understand their [way of] exalting. Indeed, He is ever Forbearing and Forgiving.

    In sequence=> speaks about alternation of night to day, two signs, => relates degree of difference, related to rewards in the hereafter. => 17:44 the 7 heavens exalting ; ends with forgiveness.
    Remember 40:15 ends with forgiveness and 40 is called “The forgiving”
    Connection to 360? let us check.

    17:44 7 heavens exalting

    7/44 = 0.15909 days = 1 radii in right ascension in the day. Because 0.1591 x 360 = 57.3 degrees
    In Wolfram mathematica, radii time is related to ascension in the day (3hours 49 min 11 seconds) or in degree terms (57 degrees 17 arc min 44 seconds 0.81 micro seconds)

    This means since there are 360 degrees in a day , 1440 min , thus 1 degree corresponds to 4 min in ascension.

    Counting the number of words from 17:12 alternation of day and night to 17:44
    444 words

    Relating the degree correspondence. 17:21 “greater degrees in distinction” adding + 4444 number to this 1721 + 4444 = 6165
    The only verse forming 6:165 “And it is He who has made you successors upon the earth and has raised some of you above others in degrees [in difference] that He may try you through what He has given you. Indeed, your Lord is swift in penalty; but indeed, He is Forgiving and Merciful.

    Connect to the the 17:21 to 74:30 over it are 19

    0.159 days = ~0.99 radians in ascension

    The moon covers the range of 57.3 degrees over the course of 19 draconic years or 223 lunar months, with its 5 degree falls and rising.

    17:21 to 17:44 numeral value of all the letters


    e.g. the 0.99 reference => 0.159 days , the more precise is 0.1591 days

    The last time the sun and the moon are mentioned together, in union in the quran, occurs for the 19’th time it is in the verse

    75:9 And the sun and the moon are joined

    1:1 the 19 letters above all the chapters



    313555 letters

    3 bodies in a Line

    Please write to me.

    All mathematical structures are timeless and are eternal. They themselves are watching and knows.
    This is what we worship

    Say, “He is Allah, [who is] One,
    Allah, the Eternal Refuge.
    He neither begets nor is born,      [have no causal links]
    Nor is there to Him any equivalent.”

    So come to truth and prostrate. As the shadows do, as the stars do, ass all natural do, willingly or unwillingly.
    41:53 “We will show them Our signs in the horizons and within themselves until it becomes clear to them that it is the truth. But is it not sufficient concerning your Lord that He is, over all things, a Witness?”

    The debt is not due, you have time.
    13:15 And to Allah prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows [as well] in the mornings and the afternoons.

    The star 53 => 360 word and the last verse
    53:62 So prostrate to Allah and worship


    • I can no longer hear the intelligence that was communicating with me through music, text, and videos. I know that it was real and that the science that I learned was wrong. I just wish that it wouldn’t toy with me next time and deliver a clear message.

      A Jehova witness knocked on my door and asked if I knew of the power in the Bible. I told him that all text has power. He had the page open to a verse that said exactly that. He read that verse and left. So just like I thought of his book I think of yours. It is not uniquely special, it is just part of the tapestry.


    • If a methodology is sound, it must be consistent. I found the reference to the radii count in 96:8 and 17:21 and the 2:28 verse. And the 17:21 to 74:30 with the 159555 letter count. relating the 0.159 days=1 radii correspondence, 0.99 radians = 18.6 lunar year cycle 223 lunar months. And the movement of the moon 55:5 “sun and the moon by precise calculation” See the references respectively. I looked at the overall ratio, with the quranic verses to be total of 6236 / 180 = 34.6’th verse talking about returning to death, and returning to life.

      Correspondingly I was curious, for a moment I wrote the message. I just discovered this. If it is consistent, what about pi? 3.141 this corresponds to 180 degree. So the ratio, 6236 / 3.141 = 1985’th verse

      16:84 “And [mention] the Day when We will resurrect from every nation a witness. Then it will not be permitted to the disbelievers nor will they be asked to appease

      Returning to him, just as 2:28 ended with the same theme.

      The similar theme is happening again. Returning nations. We know that 114.6 degrees = 2 x 57.3 degrees. [1 radii] and in ascension into the 1440 min day this is 7 hours 38 min

      7:38 ” will say, “Enter among nations which had passed on before you of jinn and mankind into the Fire.” Every time a nation enters, it will curse its sister until, when they have all overtaken one another therein, the last of them will say about the first of them “Our Lord, these had misled us, so give them a double punishment of the Fire. He will say, “For each is double, but you do not know.”

      Notice ” the last of them will say about the first of them”
      .. “for each is double” could it relate to the 2 x 57 ? degree reference? 7 hours 38 min ascension = 2 x radii

      We have not checked 2 x pi ratio in the quran.

      6236 / 2 pi = 992.5 ‘th verse

      992.5 into the 993 ‘th verse half of it.
      This is the 993’th verse

      7:39 “the first of them will say to the last of them..” ..

      Notice the complete circle of exchange, the nations in succession, crossing, and replacing.

      How about the degree count 57.3 degree = 1 radii ?

      Across 6236 verses : 6236 / 57.3 degrees = 108.83 => going into the 109’th verse 83 %

      2:102 “And they followed [instead] what the devils had recited during the reign of Solomon. It was not Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut”.

      The Babylonian civilisation was the first ones to create the 60 base system, and in turn, we derived our 24 h day count, the 360 degree count and we can translate this to the radii count since, 180 / pi = 57.3 degrees = 1 radii

      The angels and the devils are the common themes, their nature are like those that swims and whispers, into us. Not part of the Quran, but what was inspired to the prophet, the angels dominion, by the permission of the One thing, is the waters, they swim, and they settle matters between us. Similar is the depiction of the devils, or, their physical descriptions are, “smokeless fire” e.g. movement., they are said to emulate the angels, in covering over the waters. They swim and they settle matter among us.

      They are sending their inspiration among us, all, and the warning sent by the Quran, is to be careful. They are deceitful and they lie. And that is their way of movements, they return us to lies.

      The way of influence is the way they help loosen knots, or braids, in our souls and mind. I like to think this like a metaphor. Is it possible that our minds, the electrical wirings are vibrating are perturbed by the influences in the skies, and the cycles in nature?

      There is clues,

      Chapter “The piercing star”
      86:1 by the knocker [in the night sky] ,2, what can you make of the knocker ?, 3, it is a piercing star
      86:11 the sky returns, 86:12 the earth cracks open
      86:16 But I am planning a plan

      These are the waves, and influences, of the forces of nature. We set the sail, on the boat, they guide. If you think this is arbitrary information, please consider the research of professor Shnoll.

      Click to access MS1-13409715.pdf

      Click to access PP-01-11.PDF

      What ever the influences are, I believe it to be, gravitational, space bending and the similar frames falling down, comes about every sidereal turning of the earth 1436 min = 86160 seconds. 86:11 sky returns

      I belive the forces are traveling through mediums and are part of this space time fabric.

      These are the riders of the night.

      Notice the 2:102 “Harut Marut” the, two angels. Again I believe it to be metaphorical speech.
      The chapter 40 where the 40:15 was in, related the 360 degree count. Starts with 40:1 H. M.
      separated letters with no context. I think it is related to the Harut Marut.

      I told my computer to see how many times does these letter appear in the chapter 40, it appears, 444 times. E.g. the 4 min = 1 degree ascension, 1440 min / 360 deg = 4 min / deg

      E.g. the above referenced articles also indicates the stochastics depends on the rotational frame, that is arbitrary, on the constellation. (so no astrology, bullshit) But as long as the same frame returns, 360, the same decay pattern reoccurs, given enough time. You just need to accumulate enough data to see this effect.

      I also think the context laid out in 86:1 and relates to the heavier stars that pounds spaces around it, making the winnowing winds of forces, from returning space frames to the cosmic rays.

      Their nature is described really beautifully here: The angels and the devils in all derrivative forms are mentioned both equally in the quran 88 times, 88 times. See the symbolisms around knots?

      Chapter 79 relates their nature and how they move:
      Them swimming, and them plucking something in us, and them arranging matters between us. Waves in waves.
      The scholarly consensus are, interpreting the verses and they are trying to understand it.
      The words that are selected by the one thing are precise, in order for the auidience to find the meaning and relate to our world view. 3:7 “in it are words that are precise” You can watch it to see how other muslims interpret the verses, said by the quran, in chapter 79. I find it interesting how the descriptions, of the forces are resembled to waves and their influence to braided structures. It could be we are subjected to forces from above.

      6:65 Say, “He is the [one] Able to send upon you affliction from above you or from beneath your feet or to confuse you [so you become] sects and make you taste the violence of one another.” Look how We diversify the signs that they might understand.

      Penetrating the earth from all sides.

      Electrical waves and type of energy, are moving in spaces in knots, or riding in waves. Do we have free will or are we subjected to the universe will? Set the sail in you, let yourself be carried, in good conduct or in bad conduct. Our minds are riding in nodes, and braids, of electrical movements. And we are subjected to the forces.

      Chapter 51 having 360 words , called the winnowing winds
      51:1-4 “By those scattering dispersing. And those carrying a load. And those sailing with ease. And those apportioning matter. Indeed, what you are promised is true. 51:6 And indeed, the recompense is to occur.

      See how they are described, those that are carrying a load. It is not handheld, but the space itself enveloping around the object. And the object influence on the thing that carries it, bending it around it. And the waves it creates, like sailing it.
      Some scholars talk about it is about the boats, some say it is us. There is no definitive answer what they might allude too. But at the end of the chapter, it relates to 4 civilisations that met its demise. By the forces of nature. They fragment, and they separate. Each frame have its own plans. Winnowing winds- influences from the direction of 4’s.

      44:1 H.M.
      44:4 On that night is made distinct every precise matter –

      Later research shows there are economic cycles, I believe in some ways, a fractal above, in nature, whatever influences events down to the seconds, will also influence the same way over longer period of time. There are found 51 year cycles in economics, innovation cycles 50 years, replacing the old with the new, and debt cycles, I just find it interesting that 51:6 the recompense is to occur.

      We have to keep an eye for this. Might reveal something in the future.

      So continuing the experiment; finding ratios in the quran finding important constants:

      Chapter 16 “The Bee”
      The number of chromosomes of the bee is 16 on the male side.
      16:18 And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

      1.618 = phi , and it is irrational, the number cannot end, and will continue on forever, it is applied in everything.

      The bee population evolves in time with the sequence of the fibbonacci, so the female population and the male population ratio is 1.618 in any bee hive.

      If you measure the distance from your belly button to the floor and then take the distance from the top of your head to your belly button, take the ratio, it will come out 1.618
      Relating the 1.618 in ratio form to 6236 E.g. the relation a+b/ a = 1.618 => so similarly we consider the total length of verses in the quran
      6236 / 1.618 = 3854’th verse => golden ratio point. a = 3854 , 6236/3854 = 1.618

      37:66 ” and they will fill their bellies with it”
      Relates to the people of hell fire eating sharp edged fruits, thorny.

      Totally their are 77430 words inside the chapters, over 114 chapters. So finding the golden ratio word

      77430 / 1.618 = a = 47855’th word
      because a+b = 77430 , b = 29575’th word

      b is the smaller side and a is the large side, of the lengths to form the ratio 1.618
      looking into the 47855’th word in the quran, we reach the first word in verse 26:123 “Aad denied the signs” “كَذَّبَت عادٌ المُرسَلينَ”
      Put this arabic into you get the total numeral of the verse to be 1618

      To Aad was sent the messenger Hud, which showed them the signs. They denied them. Considering the smaller side, b = 29575’th word
      we reach the sentence in the middle of the 11:89 verse 11:89 “Of the people of Hud..”
      Chapter 11 is called Hud.

      So Aad was sent the messenger Hud. A+B / A = 1.618

      On the chapter level, 114 chapters. what is the golden ratio point in chapter number?

      114 / 1.618 = a

      a+b = 114 chapters
      find b
      (a+b) – a = 114 – 114/1.618 = 43.54’th chapter

      The chapter 43 is called “The Golden Ornaments” it have 89 verses which is a Fibonacci sequence. Going 54 % into the chapter 43.54 , we say 0.54 x 89 = 48’th verse

      43:48 “And We showed them not a sign except that it was greater than its sister, and We seized them with affliction that perhaps they might return”

      This verse totally have 55 letters, so the fibbonacci sequence, forming the golden ratio, the greater side, ratio against the smaller side, so, let us write up the sequence :
      1, 1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,55,89

      So the smaller side _____ 55 and the greater side______ 89 , the ratio 55/89 = phi ^-1
      Similarly the ___34 smaller side 55 _____ greater side

      so counting 55 verses from the bottom up, 89-35 (included 89, 35) 43:35 “And the Golden Ornaments”
      43:1-34=> 34 verses II 43:35-89 =>> 55 verses


  11. If you don’t like it, copy the text seperately, and read it. You will find truth. Evidence based. I am not toying with you I am cheering you. Listen to good music and relax, heck get a piano and play an instrument.


  12. Anti-psychotics in the long run are not a recipe for a happy mind. I know you’ve said you will not stick around for longer, but perhaps give a try to e.g. tianeptine and other pharmaceuticals that do help with hedonic tone directly. I highly recommend tapering anti-psychotic dose for a few months and get off of it entirely. Would also recommend trying FSM (e.g. 10 + 40Hz) and MDMA for healing the trauma of psychosis and bad trip philosophy.



    • As someone who experienced manic psychosis triggered by LSD, using MDMA is super risky for people with genetic vulnerability to bipolar mania and schizo. That being said, I think many psychiatrists assume their patients need to be medicated for life (possible fear of liability). I tapered off all anti-psychotics and medications in general and I’ve been fine. Tianeptine and antidepressants in general are risky. So are psychedelics and stimulants.

      The trauma of psychosis will heal over time.

      FSM 10 + 40hz is intriguing, thanks for mentioning it.


      • I haven’t seen credible subjective reports of MDAI being effective for PTSD, even when paired with other euphoriants.

        I advocate for sensible MDMA use in a therapeutic setting (not necessarily with a therapist, but with the whole mindset, focus, and drive to heal oneself). This includes using it as little as possible and in sensible doses (e.g. never more than once a year, and never above 200mg over the course of the session – including booster doses).

        Of course discovering a safe and sustainable non-neurotoxic empathogen is key for a good future. But MDAI certainly isn’t it – at least not right now. It IS, however, a good research lead… just not therapeutically actionable at the moment.


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